What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
