Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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