Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
