someone threw a dead crab at me
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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