Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
