What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
