Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
