Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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