yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
