She went from zero to smokin in five shots
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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