anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize