Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
