From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
