We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
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I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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