I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize