Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
