Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
