its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
