I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
