Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
