Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
