Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
