please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
