I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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