I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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