I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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