Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
