Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize