Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Who died my cat blue again?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
