my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
