Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
