I will die if light touches me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
