Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was confusing and full of hummus
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
