He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
