you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
