You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
