I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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