I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
