just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
