I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
