We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
