oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
