You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hippo gnu deer
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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