I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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