Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize