just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
