i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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