Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Come on in and take your pants off
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