u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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