Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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