I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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