my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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