You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
