oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
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I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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