would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
These tits shall not be calmed
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
