anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
