I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
