It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
