I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
