yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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