i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
