I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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