I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
