I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
