Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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